My whirlwind of a love life breakups and proposals

If I didn't have ADD ( I diagnosed myself) I could really turn all the stories from my dating life into a best seller. I really believe that Jesus watches with humor and popcorn. Half my stories you wouldnt believe!! These past days have been no exception. I finally get here and my rock Ethan crumbles. The crazy part is I was trying to be so good while I was away in the states. Usually everyone knows I could care less or I would say I'm taken in China but single everywhere else. This time I was different. Even in Atlanta!!!!!! I have to say that again. Even in Atlanta! No free meals andi stayed away from temptation. This nigga has lost his damn mind. Clearly he forgot what I look like! I've seen him one time since I've been here. He always makes excuses about work. You don't go from seeing me everyday to not seeing me. Stay consistent. Hell that's why I fell for him. I don't think it's with another girl and trust me I wish it was. That's easy.
Ethan has very low self esteem and comes from a very dark childhood. Shit everyone does in America so it's expected. In his country, everyone comes from a PERFECT family home. Everyone has a great mother and father. The Chinese are very much like a CREOLE family. No matter what happens, you walk out that door acting like everything is perfect. He doesn't really say much but he shows me scars from his father. We were so good before I left. He would literally cry infront of me now I'm a stranger. He's so distant and I'm not Dr. Phil. What I am is a 27 year old woman who doesnt play the guessing game. He sayshe doesn't deserve me and i need to find a suitable man to marry. Well leave me the fuck alone! Is what my alter ego Naomi says in my head. I run everyday to decrease my chances to not deal with bullshit! Lauren has said fuck it as well. I told him I don't deal with inconsistency. I know what I want. I'm not looking for just a friend. So it's over. He was mute.......
My Chinese friends all agree that he doesn't know what to do because he loves me but he know our fathers would never allow us to marry. Chinese parents must agree so the child can get married. Unlike us, Chinese parents approval is everything to a Chinese kid. My daddy disapprove of China and look where I am lol. Why we just can't enjoy each other. Why is everything so damn serious! Hell I don't want to marry him. Does anyone just be boyfriend and girlfriend anymore? I'm so sick of everyone in this country trying to marry me off! From the taxi driver, to the people in the visa office to random people! Hell me being faithful is a challenge by its self!
Speaking of marriage (vomits) I see my buddy Sam. Me and Sam are good friends and we used to date until I met Ethan. ( I fucking hate that name now, infact I gave him that name and I wanna be on some Ike turner shit and say give me that name back! ) While I was away he kept saying he sees a future with me blah blah blah. I'm like sure whatever. We talking and he says I want you to meet the parents. I told them I want to marry you. I like sure okay whatever in my head. We are outside waiting in the cold （ 30degrees） for taxi. He takes my hand and says I have never been so happy since I met you. I want to live forever with you. I want to marry you. I don't have a ring but I will get you one. Lauren I love you will you marry me?
At this point I believe my heart murmur was cured for a couple of seconds and my im sweating like im in the jungle. I believe I started speaking in tongues cause I'm caught all the way off guard. Not to mention I'm trying not to have a panic attack. First thing out of my mouth that made sense was I think you're drunk. He says no I'm not. Then I tell him, well I think before we take the next step we must talk to our parents. If they agree then we can talk about it. I'm sure your father has issues with you marrying a foreigner same for my father. I told him he should meet with his parents first without me. For one im bitter with my breakup and not the usually happy go lucky Lauren. 2, creole girls don't do well with Chinese fathers who feel like they're not good enough for their son. Then boogie creole Lauren comes out and treats the whole damn family. He's going to call me in the morning with the details. Another thing is i never tapped that. Im not spending forever with something Ive never tried. I guess relationships dont exist if your over 26 just marriage.
Realistically, my father is not going to agree either. My daddy really believes that 90 percent of the men out there are not good enough. He told when I was little the man has to have more money than me cause you are accustomed to a certain life. Regardless im waiting for Gods approval and the man he has for me. That's the only approval that matters.
Post break up sucks no matter what country you're in. I run everyday because chocolate has been my dinner. Meanwhile chocolate makes me sick but makes my heart better. I gave myself one day to cry. It sucks more because my girls are in the states. No getting drunk in the club until i past out with my sister, no pizza with my twin, no movies nights with my sunshine, and no venting with the he ain't shit with my package. Just me and God. Frankly our conversations have been extremely short. Lol. Today I'm going back to my regular scheduled program. Starting my day mediating and getting over it. I'm giving myself a week to not be bitter. I need to find a dart board and put his picture on it. I am having a waiting to exhale lovers hangover sale on our Chinese social site. All his gifts are on sale. For free. I'm sure he's pist about that since he spent thousands of dollars for the jewelry. Then why do men update their status with these depressing lines. Nigga you're causing this! I'm lying on my updates! Thanks to my boo who cooked me lunch while meanwhile I'm stuffing my face with Oreos. Girls do this at least I admit I ain't shit and I'm petty. I have 5 more days of pettiness. Which includes my date with a basketball star here. Hes been trying to holla for a year now. Ill be uploading pics as well. Don't judge me well atleast not until next week. Lol