Popped a Molly I'm Sweating woooooooooo

Okay maybe I didn't actually pop a Molly but I'm sweating cause I've been living in hell. The whole month of December has been pure shit from me getting stranded in Beijing until now. Luckily God evicted me from Hell so now I'm okay!!
I got a new teaching job at a different school and I hated it! There was a Canadian guy who ran the school. He's one of those foreigners thst was a weirdo in his country and now thinks he's that dude cause he's in China. He talks to everyone like their below him. He attempted to do that with me. We are not in the western world anymore boo. I don't tolerate any disrespect from anyone. Plus, I'm from Chicago. If we have a problem we tell you to your face. I just did just that and he fired me. Lol.
I was ecstatic because I hated it! I mean they wanted me to work 40 hours a week! No thanks. I'm not about that life. So I went back to my old school( got a job same day and yes it's that easy). The Canadian antichrist tried to do everything possible to have me go back to America. The school charged me all these crazy fees and would not cooperate with transferring my visa. Without my visa, I would have to go back to America. I'm a testimony because what God has for you NOONE can take it away from you if you have faith. I got my visa on the last possible day. When I say God is my everything, I mean that.
I also had a real life hangover moment. During my depression, I went out with my friend and drunk my problems away. China has their own vodka which is like 90 percent alcohol... I was drinking it like water.. After out drinking 3 grown men I decide to go out in my high heels that I know I can't walk in when I'm sober. So yes you know what happens. I fall. It's snow and ice. I don't even realize that the side of my face is covered with blood. Worried about my well being, the police wait with me for a friend to pick me up and take us home. For a week I looked like a got jumped. Lol. I was very creative with my stories when people asked me what happen: I fell down the Great Wall of china, I fell down the stairs backwards, I got hit by a scooter, and my favorite: came home late and my husband was angry. Trust no more drinking challenges. I've learned my lesson.
I hate Ethan. That's done. I'm on some I bet not catch him in the streets or its on and poppin. My other friend parents didn't like the fact that their only son wants to merry an American. (See last post) Now he wants us to go to Africa. What is this Belly??
Well now I'm getting settled. New apartment! I'm also starting an online store and an import/export businesses. Whatever you need I can find it for you and send it to you. Stay tuned.
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Location:Popped a Molly I'm sweating wooooo!

No more black and yellow, black and yellow( in my Wiz khalifa voice)

There is never a dull moment in my life. It has been a crazy few days. Only I could have such excitement in a communist country. I'm sure I will laugh more when I'm a housewife in the south of France. Today not so much. So let's see where should I start.. Oo yes! That awkward moment when you realize you Chinese ex boyfriend is in the damn mafia.. Let's start there. Woo woo!!
Me and Ethan started to talk slightly. Now we don't talk at all. I changed my number and erased my ( QQ is the Chinese social site). Which seemed like a great idea at the time. I got mad cause he told me he couldn't come see me. He said he had to move furniture. Umm okay. Then the next day I was extremely hungover and I needed him to make his famous noodles for me. He said he hurt his ankle in a fight. Am I the only person who light bulb just went off?? I didn't think so. So me being the nosey black girl, I asked what was you doing fighting? He changed the subject. Typical nigga shit.




I thought I was dating a nice Chinese boy who at one time adored me, did everything i asked and put me to sleep. Clearly, I was mistaken. I must be dating ray ray from the low end. As women we don't forget anything a man tells us. So I start to think about every moment we ever shared. When we first met, he said if I ever had a problem let him know. He will always protect me and he likes to fight. This nigga muffed the shit out of a dude for being too close to me and looking at me up and down. In the club, he's treated like royalty. Half the time he just points and everyone does what he says. He told me that he wants to go to jerusalem to ask God for forgiveness. I'm a sinner, all the way. I don't have to go all the way over there to say hey God, my bad about that one time. Lol.
I told him I too old to deal with these games. And erase all his contact. Now my "tough" ass is on the couch with "officially missing you" by tamia on repeat. If my neighbor could speak English he would say " Change that damn song," But he so I'm blasting it! Still trying to processed everything. Even with a short time, I know we got something special. Something rare. I don't want to marry the nigga. I just want things to go back. I know he loves me. Just don't know what's going on with him and he doesn't talk to me. I don't think he's a horrible murderer but I know something is up. Something isn't right.




I do know this single life sucks ass!! I mean I'm eating noodles at the damn restaurant! I gotta feed myself every time I get hungry!! I work out so I don't have to do this shit! No one takes care of you when ure hungover. My face is breaking out and according to my Chinese friend it's cause I'm not having sex. Lol. I don't know how to fix my heater. I don't want to be independent! At all.
I've been dating Chinese men for a year and I'm think I'm over it! Lol. Most of them either want to get married tomorrow or are too uptight. Don't do this! Don't do that. Dude I'm a free spirit! I need someone who can have fun. The first night I met Ethan, we partied all night and then peed outside together. He didn't say that's not lady like. He said okay I'll turn around and go over here and pee. Lol. But I'm over all the serious boyfriend crap. Now I'm just going to go back to having fun and maybe being a rich Chinese man trophy piece.
Sent from my iPa
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My whirlwind of a love life breakups and proposals

If I didn't have ADD ( I diagnosed myself) I could really turn all the stories from my dating life into a best seller. I really believe that Jesus watches with humor and popcorn. Half my stories you wouldnt believe!! These past days have been no exception. I finally get here and my rock Ethan crumbles. The crazy part is I was trying to be so good while I was away in the states. Usually everyone knows I could care less or I would say I'm taken in China but single everywhere else. This time I was different. Even in Atlanta!!!!!! I have to say that again. Even in Atlanta! No free meals andi stayed away from temptation. This nigga has lost his damn mind. Clearly he forgot what I look like! I've seen him one time since I've been here. He always makes excuses about work. You don't go from seeing me everyday to not seeing me. Stay consistent. Hell that's why I fell for him. I don't think it's with another girl and trust me I wish it was. That's easy.
Ethan has very low self esteem and comes from a very dark childhood. Shit everyone does in America so it's expected. In his country, everyone comes from a PERFECT family home. Everyone has a great mother and father. The Chinese are very much like a CREOLE family. No matter what happens, you walk out that door acting like everything is perfect. He doesn't really say much but he shows me scars from his father. We were so good before I left. He would literally cry infront of me now I'm a stranger. He's so distant and I'm not Dr. Phil. What I am is a 27 year old woman who doesnt play the guessing game. He sayshe doesn't deserve me and i need to find a suitable man to marry. Well leave me the fuck alone! Is what my alter ego Naomi says in my head. I run everyday to decrease my chances to not deal with bullshit! Lauren has said fuck it as well. I told him I don't deal with inconsistency. I know what I want. I'm not looking for just a friend. So it's over. He was mute.......
My Chinese friends all agree that he doesn't know what to do because he loves me but he know our fathers would never allow us to marry. Chinese parents must agree so the child can get married. Unlike us, Chinese parents approval is everything to a Chinese kid. My daddy disapprove of China and look where I am lol. Why we just can't enjoy each other. Why is everything so damn serious! Hell I don't want to marry him. Does anyone just be boyfriend and girlfriend anymore? I'm so sick of everyone in this country trying to marry me off! From the taxi driver, to the people in the visa office to random people! Hell me being faithful is a challenge by its self!
Speaking of marriage (vomits) I see my buddy Sam. Me and Sam are good friends and we used to date until I met Ethan. ( I fucking hate that name now, infact I gave him that name and I wanna be on some Ike turner shit and say give me that name back! ) While I was away he kept saying he sees a future with me blah blah blah. I'm like sure whatever. We talking and he says I want you to meet the parents. I told them I want to marry you. I like sure okay whatever in my head. We are outside waiting in the cold （ 30degrees） for taxi. He takes my hand and says I have never been so happy since I met you. I want to live forever with you. I want to marry you. I don't have a ring but I will get you one. Lauren I love you will you marry me?
At this point I believe my heart murmur was cured for a couple of seconds and my im sweating like im in the jungle. I believe I started speaking in tongues cause I'm caught all the way off guard. Not to mention I'm trying not to have a panic attack. First thing out of my mouth that made sense was I think you're drunk. He says no I'm not. Then I tell him, well I think before we take the next step we must talk to our parents. If they agree then we can talk about it. I'm sure your father has issues with you marrying a foreigner same for my father. I told him he should meet with his parents first without me. For one im bitter with my breakup and not the usually happy go lucky Lauren. 2, creole girls don't do well with Chinese fathers who feel like they're not good enough for their son. Then boogie creole Lauren comes out and treats the whole damn family. He's going to call me in the morning with the details. Another thing is i never tapped that. Im not spending forever with something Ive never tried. I guess relationships dont exist if your over 26 just marriage.
Realistically, my father is not going to agree either. My daddy really believes that 90 percent of the men out there are not good enough. He told when I was little the man has to have more money than me cause you are accustomed to a certain life. Regardless im waiting for Gods approval and the man he has for me. That's the only approval that matters.
Post break up sucks no matter what country you're in. I run everyday because chocolate has been my dinner. Meanwhile chocolate makes me sick but makes my heart better. I gave myself one day to cry. It sucks more because my girls are in the states. No getting drunk in the club until i past out with my sister, no pizza with my twin, no movies nights with my sunshine, and no venting with the he ain't shit with my package. Just me and God. Frankly our conversations have been extremely short. Lol. Today I'm going back to my regular scheduled program. Starting my day mediating and getting over it. I'm giving myself a week to not be bitter. I need to find a dart board and put his picture on it. I am having a waiting to exhale lovers hangover sale on our Chinese social site. All his gifts are on sale. For free. I'm sure he's pist about that since he spent thousands of dollars for the jewelry. Then why do men update their status with these depressing lines. Nigga you're causing this! I'm lying on my updates! Thanks to my boo who cooked me lunch while meanwhile I'm stuffing my face with Oreos. Girls do this at least I admit I ain't shit and I'm petty. I have 5 more days of pettiness. Which includes my date with a basketball star here. Hes been trying to holla for a year now. Ill be uploading pics as well. Don't judge me well atleast not until next week. Lol

Hell week

Hell week.

Always getting to china is what I call hell week. The days leading to my departure are always the hardest. I was so ready to go and everything was just moving slow as hell. My visa was super late and everything was a mess. I couldn't bring acelin which also broke my heart. He will be here before Christmas. When I left I forgot my makeup bag. I just bought all these new MAC products and China only has the make up complexion of snow. My dark circles are constantly exposed. Not to mention, I thought I was flying Air China but somehow it turned to an United which I'm positive that was the work of Satan. Everything,I fly united something horrible goes wrong and my Creole powers are helpless. I flew United back home and I had an allergic reaction to the blanket on my face and arms. The first time I flew United, they lost my luggage and the plane was late which caused me to sleep in the freezing airport. Not to mention the food sucks and stewardess are ugly. Foreign airlines the food is better, bigger portions and the stewardess look like dolls.

Well same shit happens again. We get off the plane because they were having engine problems. 3 hour later it's fixed, I miss my connection and I'm stuck in Beijing. I hate Beijing. It was freezing like blizzard in Chicago freezing. I'm in a leather jacket waiting 45 mins for a damn taxi.


I took the bullet train which I love. So clean, comfortable and you can charge your apple products. It takes the same amount of time to fly so I rather take the train. Someone tell President Obama, this is what the states been missing! Finally arrive in Jinan. I see my apartment which I like! 2 bedrooms, one bath. Ooooo and a toilet! I have enough room so I'm not standing over the toilet to shower! ( see my first post and look at pictures of my apartment) my heart will skips a beat because I finally see Ethan. My heart will stop beating all together.

Shanghai.. my 2nd home.

Shanghai.. love this place. It is a functional alcohlic's dream. I left the club and not only was the Sun out but people were going to work... All the men are fine as hell... This place is def worth the 14 hour flight..

Bar Rouge: God sends every good looking man in the world to this bar on Friday night. I'm sure...

 My roomie!

NYE 2012 (yes im on CP time)

 Everywhere you go there is 100,000 people touching you.

 LIFE OF THE PARTY ALL BY MYSELF.

BEIJING.. *hated it* 2 snaps

Flew my mom to China for her birthday and we went to Beijing. I froze my Creole Ass off! There are no salt trucks on the Great Wall so I spent most of the walk ice skating. lol

All i was thinking was: TAKE THE DAMN PICTURE IM COLD! Beautiful background!

Beijing in the summer.. way better. if you think you are taking a cab somewhere plan to wait 1 hour!!

 I'm pretty sure this is the 1st rollercoaster in China. I saw Beyonce do it so if she is still alive i thought i would be okay.

Worst Hooters ever.. They didn't even have crab legs!!

Culture Shock.... In your own country...

So the contract is up and I decided to come back to America. I've been here for one month.. Do I regret it? No.. Am I ready to go? Hell yes!!!! Everyone thinks I hate America, which is not true. I enjoy it from a distance. Imagine living in a cage then someone lets you outside the cage. You start to explore and your whole outlook changes. Then someone puts you back in the cage.. You would go CRAZY! That's just how I feel. When you live in America you believe everywhere is like that. Then once you experience a different way of life you have trouble going back to your life. Everyday I have a what the hell moment.
      I miss the calmness of China. The people are happy and they smile. The people in Chicago wake up pisted off. I never go off in china and I almost snap on someone everyday. My face has broken out like a boy at 15. I've gained weight thanks to to the triple portions the restaurants give you. The men.... That's the next blog. Parties: hmmm. Well, I am the life of the party. The people in China come out to have fun instead of trying to get chose. I miss my old life. I miss the luxury of not worrying about getting shot. Every time I hear sirens I get scared. There are no sirens in China. The police directs traffic. I'm getting ready to go back to Jinan. I'm changing schools. Looking for a new apartment and starting a new company. It's a little overwhelming because I'm making a bigger transition. Last year I was just moving for a year. Now I'm planning a total transition: thinking the next 3-5 years I'll be living in Jinan. I have to make travel arrangements for my son, my yorkie. I'm completely stressed out because everything is taking longer than expected and I have no patience. I'll put my trust in God and will keep y'all posted!!!!