Friends how many of us have them? NONE

God is once again taking me out my comfort zone. O wait I don't have one of those. Well my 2 besties: my roomie and G are leaving me. My roomie is a bad ass photographer and taking her talents back to America. G is my big sister from Philippines and is moving to another city in Shandong. I told God that if he sends me my soulmate then I won't complain. He has me on hold...


Pics of my last days with my besties and my Chinese New Year in Shanghai. I hate Chinese New Year because everything is closed. Another reason why Chinese people live longer, they don't play with their rest. Everything is closed including the mail. I also starved because of the restaurants were closed and the food vendors. Like really how is Lauren supposed to maintain her thickness? Ooo and the fireworks. ALL FUCKING DAY AND NIGHT! Including at 8am. Clearly I never lived in the hood cause hearing boom boom boom gets on my damn nerves. Chinese people think the more fireworks they light the prosperous they will be in that year. So all month you hear fireworks.

Location:Jinan,China

I will bring you down...... To Chinatown!!!

" I will be watching you and if I find that you are trying to corrupt my first born child, I will bring you down, baby. I will bring you down to Chinatown. " One of my favorite lines in "Meet the Parents" That is exactly how Sam's mom looked at me at dinner. Yes, I have met the parents. All my Chinese friends are so geeked and damn near planning a wedding. In China, that's the last step before getting married. I know you're thinking, I thought she was single.. I am. I'm still confused how this happen.

So I'm in the mall with hella bags. My phone rings and its Sam. ( the guy from other posts who asked about marriage) We have small talk and then he says hold on I will put you on speaker. I'm thinking he has friends over and they want to say hello. His father starts talking and Sam translates: can you come to dinner with my family tomorrow. My mind says why? I can eat at home. Unfortunately, I was raised with manners and said sure.
Next afternoon I go to Sam's house. Awkward is an understatement. Sam is from countryside so his family have never seen a black person(foreigner as what they call it, because they don't see my color just me as non Chinese). There are his father and cousins. His cousins wanted to take a picture of me, which is expected. I asked them to take a picture with me but they ran and hid like some roaches when you turn the light on. My favorite part was going in the kitchen and saying hello to his mother. She turned around not knowing I was there and just saw my face. Her facial expression really also made me fall out. PURE COMEDY!!!!
So no one in the family speaks English and I couldn't understand their Chinese. So what did I do? Smile and nod. Then I started to count things in Chinese and Spanish in my head so I wouldn't fall asleep from boredom. It felt really awkward for me. Then I thought how would it be it this was my family. The only person I would be able to talk to would be my children. I always said I hoped my future husband family doesn't speak English that way I wouldn't have to talk to them. (Don't judge me) After meeting his family, I realized that's not what I want. I want my family and his family to be one big family.
Dinner was quite a treat. Someone put a chicken's head on my plate. That's always fun. I believe his father liked me. Then most fathers love me. I spoke some Chinese he just smiled and laughed. His mother was looking at me like I was Mitt Romney. ( he's the devil here) I wanted to say " look mom, I'm not even fucking your son, relax." So I said it in my head.

After about 12 fake yawns, Sam says let me take you home I know you're tired. I did the cabbage patch in my head and said I'll get my coat. Overall, it wasn't horrible. Atleast, if they never meet another black person they have a positive opinion about us. Sometimes I forget that I'm not in America because I always think someone will be disrespectful towards me because I'm black. Although I couldn't communicate with his family they were very nice to me. Honestly in China, I haven't encountered much racism. Sam is a GREAT guy. Any girl would be lucky to have him. He has his shit together. Great job, about to buy a house, would be a great husband and father. But that's not the love of my life. I really don't think I've met the love of my life yet. I refused to settle for anything less..
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Spend New Year's Eve 2013 in South Africa!!!

Everyone talks about how they want to travel. Here's your chance.. Spend New Years 2013 in South Africa... Here's the itinerary!!!
Itinerary
Dec 26 – Travel Day (Washington D.C. – Johannesburg)
Dec 27 – Arrival Johannesburg, Welcome and Trip Briefing
Dec 28 – Soweto Tour & Apartheid Museum (lunch included) and let’s party!
Dec 29 – Safari at Pilanesburg Game Reserve (lunch included)
Dec 30 – Travel to Cape Town, dinner and let’s party!
Dec 31 – Ring in the New Year with a Champagne New Year’s Eve Cruise on the Atlantic Ocean
Jan 1 – Day at Leisure
Jan 2 – Travel Day (Cape Town – Johannesburg – Washington D.C.)
Jan 3– Arrive back in USA
Then we have payment plans! No excuses!!!!! Interested or want more info??



Here's the website:
http://www.urbanshakemagazine.com/SouthAfrica2013

Why I would suck as a wife in China

Talking to my friend has really got me thinking. If you have read my other blog this is the same guy that wants us to get married.. I guess I should give him a name. Lol. We will call him Sam. The other day we were having dinner together with his friends and his friends said that they got married first because their parents disapproved. Sam suggested that we go get married first then tell our parents. At this time I was petting his dog and when he said that I accidentally grabbed the dog which caused him to start barking. So I said hey what's wrong with the dog, should I take him for a walk?? Anything to change the subject.

Now for one we are not boyfriend and girlfriend. He says he loves me and wants to marry me. I guess a relationship first isn't necessary. Another problem I have is when people say things to me it's translated differently in my head. He said let's get married and not ask my father first. That was translated in my head as " get kicked out my daddy's will?" I'm straight. The thing about Sam he is a GREAT catch. Great job, OWNS a house and car, he will be a great provider, father and Husband etc. He's not my soulmate. I'm looking for that passionate, intense, butterflies type of love. That love that says he was created for ME! I'm only getting married one time in my life.

Another thing is that culturally we are soo different. Here are a list of reasons why I would suck as a wife here in China.


1. When you marry a Chinese person you marry the whole family. Usually, the mother in law lives with you. She cooks dinner for you everyday and takes care of the kids. Also the parents move in with you after they retire. I'm all for family! Great! I'm not trying to live with my mother in law in a 2 bedroom condo; 8 bedroom house yes. Honestly, when can I get it poppin with my husband if you in the next room cleaning? Not to mention, I barely want to see my husband everyday.

2. My baby is not wearing these slit pants. Diapers are ridiculously expensive here and you have to remember there are a billion people here. Most babies don't wear diapers but these pants and these just pee wherever. I wish I would see my husbands parents put these ugly clothes and these slit pants on my child. Meanwhile this child is prob a boy wearing a pink shirt,




3. The food I cook and the food they eat are totally different. They eat the head to fish and chicken. NO THEY DON'T EAT DOG!!!! Not even that because I'm all for cooking and cleaning. For dinner they cook like 7 things. Who can cook all of this all the time? When I'm a housewife then yes. But I plan to still have my own companies. Here's a picture of a typical Chinese dinner. Chicken, fish, tofou, potatoes, mushrooms, and greens. A regular dinner not a Sunday dinner.




4. I don't believe that a child should be in school all day. Again I have hated school since preschool (Seriously). They stay in school until 4 or 5 o'clock. When they have a holiday they go to school on a Saturday to make it up. I want my child to have a well rounded life. School is definitely important but I don't want them to be stressed about in at 10 years old. The funny thing is the kids don't seem to mind because its all they know.

5. I'm whooping my kids. Yes I'm old fashioned and believe in the power of that BELT. The kids don't receive any type of discipline until high school. If my child acts up in school I will simply walk towards him and take my hand across his face. It's soo many times I want to hit another parents child. I have snapped and disciplined my own students in front of their parents. I guess this whole I have one child and I worship them is something I don't agree with.


6. Overall I'm a handful for anyone especially for someone who comes from a completely different culture. I'm a Aries, very bold, daring, blunt etc. I have a short attention span and constantly trying find ways to spice my life up. Chinese men are more conservative. They very sheltered from the rest of the world. I want to have no limits with my husband!!!! I know I still don't want to raise my children in America but where I will live permanently I still don't know. By the end of the year, I'll be settled down then ill move wherever my husband is located.

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Location:Jinan shandong

A real business woman

I want to share everything with you just not the crazy experiences. Lol. I want everyone to feel like they are here with me or atleast have a friend in china. I am started an online boutique called Fashion Cloudz along with my bestie. Here's a preview of some of the dresses and iPhone cases. Any questions or specific orders you can hit me info@fashioncloudz.com










Not only am I'm doing an online boutique, I've also started an import/export merchant company called C'est La Vie Agency. We will start importing hair at the end of the month. We have virgin Indian remy, Brazilian, Malaysian, and Peruvian hair. For inquires please email me info@cestlavieagency.com. We can also import clothes, shoes, athletic goods, accessories , purses etc.

I believe everyone here in tone deaf...

If a Chinese person is feeling themselves you can't tell nothing!!!!
These are some kids at the Christmas party!!

Here is a student and his father singing a duet. His father is wearing high waist pants.

Am I the only one that thinks they can't sing???

Popped a Molly I'm Sweating woooooooooo

Okay maybe I didn't actually pop a Molly but I'm sweating cause I've been living in hell. The whole month of December has been pure shit from me getting stranded in Beijing until now. Luckily God evicted me from Hell so now I'm okay!!
I got a new teaching job at a different school and I hated it! There was a Canadian guy who ran the school. He's one of those foreigners thst was a weirdo in his country and now thinks he's that dude cause he's in China. He talks to everyone like their below him. He attempted to do that with me. We are not in the western world anymore boo. I don't tolerate any disrespect from anyone. Plus, I'm from Chicago. If we have a problem we tell you to your face. I just did just that and he fired me. Lol.
I was ecstatic because I hated it! I mean they wanted me to work 40 hours a week! No thanks. I'm not about that life. So I went back to my old school( got a job same day and yes it's that easy). The Canadian antichrist tried to do everything possible to have me go back to America. The school charged me all these crazy fees and would not cooperate with transferring my visa. Without my visa, I would have to go back to America. I'm a testimony because what God has for you NOONE can take it away from you if you have faith. I got my visa on the last possible day. When I say God is my everything, I mean that.
I also had a real life hangover moment. During my depression, I went out with my friend and drunk my problems away. China has their own vodka which is like 90 percent alcohol... I was drinking it like water.. After out drinking 3 grown men I decide to go out in my high heels that I know I can't walk in when I'm sober. So yes you know what happens. I fall. It's snow and ice. I don't even realize that the side of my face is covered with blood. Worried about my well being, the police wait with me for a friend to pick me up and take us home. For a week I looked like a got jumped. Lol. I was very creative with my stories when people asked me what happen: I fell down the Great Wall of china, I fell down the stairs backwards, I got hit by a scooter, and my favorite: came home late and my husband was angry. Trust no more drinking challenges. I've learned my lesson.
I hate Ethan. That's done. I'm on some I bet not catch him in the streets or its on and poppin. My other friend parents didn't like the fact that their only son wants to merry an American. (See last post) Now he wants us to go to Africa. What is this Belly??
Well now I'm getting settled. New apartment! I'm also starting an online store and an import/export businesses. Whatever you need I can find it for you and send it to you. Stay tuned.
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Location:Popped a Molly I'm sweating wooooo!